After declaring to yourself  and maybe others that you are setting out to accomplish a specific goal… do you find yourself swinging wildly in the exact opposite direction?

This is a pattern that I have and one that has buckled my commitments at the knees again and again. There is one key difference this time from the others though. I know it. It isn’t happening or going to happen without my being clued in. So even if that backlash happens, I’m feeling okay. BECAUSE, I now know about it and can see it for what it is… a tactic, a trick for staying in the status quo I’ve lived in up until now. And seeing it as that, its power shrinks. Even if that backlash “wins” this time and maybe another one, two or more – it’s running scared. That tactic has been spotted. Brought out into the light, it is much easier to see it for what it is… and that is something that I no longer want.

‎”‘How does one become a butterfly?’ she asked pensively. ‘You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar.’” -Trina Paulus

I don’t know that this particular post will resonate with anyone else. But the truth of it and it’s message are ringing clear and true for me. And I do hope it does and will for others too.

Over the years, I’ve done a lot of random consulting for family, friends and acquaintances on how to improve or transform their health.  Over the last month, it’s become clear that it’s my turn. It’s my turn to do some self-consulting.  It may become clear that I need outside support and guidance as well. I don’t know yet.

My health has become something for me to work through and past. It’s not supporting me and what I want to do in this beautiful life of mine. Now, I’ve been learning the value of choosing my words and conversations because they bring an energy of their own sort into my life. Even if I don’t mean it in a self-defeating way, just their presence has a weight. That said, I’m going to list the health challenges I have. I’m doing this to put a line in the sand. I’m not willing to let things progress one step further.

• Most noticeable: My rosacea. I’ve had my rosacea managed fairly well for about 4-5 years. About 10-11 months ago, something changed and it is the worst it has been in 10+ years. My skin is swollen, angry, red, itchy and sore to the touch.  It took me 4 years to get my rosacea symptoms managed after the original onset. I’m not interested in it taking another 4 years before I am able to again. In addition, rosacea has a personal psychological impact on me that I don’t want to have to swim upstream against.
• Aching joints. I’m 40 and I feel much older when I try to move. It’s especially bad if I’ve been sitting a little while and then try to get up and go. I feel pain.
• Headaches. Some of this maybe residual damage from a car accident I was in years and years ago. But, my concern is that my headaches have been more frequent and intense over the last 6 months. At times, they have put me completely out of commission.
• Excess estrogen. About two years ago, I went into my naturopath’s office for breast thermography.  I had a small lump that was giving me some fright because my grandmother had a mastectomy and ultimately died from breast cancer. One of my aunt’s has also fought the disease. It’s in my family, so it isn’t something for me to ignore. The good news, it was fibrous tissue and not a growth. The concerning news, the thermography showed that my breasts were still vascularized as though I was still breast feeding (which I hadn’t been for 2+ years at that point). Heavy vascularization of the breasts can be an indicator and precursor to cancerous growth. My naturopath recommended I implement an anti-estrogenic treatment plan.  I haven’t been consistent with this plan. Given the potential health ramifications, not being committed to this lifestyle change isn’t the smartest choice I’ve made.
• Dysbiosis. Sounds intimidating, doesn’t it? Yes and no. It’s an imbalance in the digestive track. I have too many bad bacteria and not enough good bacteria. This came about because of the high-dosage Tetracycline (antibiotic) I was initially prescribed when first got rosacea.  Taking that antibiotic was one of the worst things I could have done for my long-term health. But, I didn’t know that at the time.  I was just following doctor’s orders. The list of symptoms caused by dysbiosis is lengthy.  You can read about it and the full list of symptoms here.  (Symptoms I experience include: dilated capillaries in the cheeks/nose, post-adolescent acne or other skin irritations such as rosacea, malabsorption/poor digestion of food, fatigue, muscle pain/cramps and joint pain.)

See what I mean by the power of words. Just going through that list (and it’s not comprehensive by any means), is dispiriting.   But I will not be discouraged.  And get this, just a couple weeks ago, I was given some thoughts that have already helped me as I think about my health journey ahead.  The pastor at our church shared with us some ideas from Frederick Wooleverton. They may not sound inspiring at first read, but they are already revolutionizing my path and thoughts as I think about transforming my health. This advice is for recovering addicts. Why do I find it applicable? I do because not living the healthy lifestyle I know is best for me is a sort of addiction. It’s subtle, but real all the same. I don’t want to give up some things because they fill “a need” – honestly, it’s a spiritual vacuum, an unwillingness to look at something in my life that needs to be loved, accepted and healed.

1. It’s good to feel lousy.
2. Learn how to suffer well.
3. Get an entourage: support!!
4. Beware of shuffle (swapping one bad habit for another)
5. Figure out what’s missing – for me, this is speaking of the spiritual growth and healing that needs to take place.
6. Sleep is a secret weapon.

I perceive a lot of this journey will be as much or more spiritual than it will be a diet, or working on physical fitness, or whatnot.

This is a rambling, unedited, stream-of-conscious post. So please give it the grace as such. I just want to share with you where I am and create with you the possibility of a life of health and vitality.  A friend of mine said today: “We are wired for survival. Thriving is optional and requires conscious choice.” My body is surviving best it can.  I’m committed to thriving!  And here’s me, making that conscious choice.

After I posted my recommitment to embracing my health – I got ready for bed. As I was brushing my teeth, I created the intention to remember my commitment. I know myself . I can be so disconnected with my own commitments that I will “forget” them by morning. More than once, at the end of a day, I make a commitment to eat healthy and do what supports my body physically and my heart spiritually. But then the next day, maybe sometime around 1 or 2pm, I’ll suddenly stop and think: “Wait! I was going to do better today!!” It’s as though I’ve thrown all my intentions and commitments right out of my mind, as if they never existed. Once I remember, I feel disappointed and want to back up the clock and start the day again. Ugh, what a cycle, right?

But today, I remembered and quickly. I made myself a yummy green smoothie (watermelon, strawberries, and spinach with all the healthy goodies). It tasted and felt great. I was feeling good.

Fast forward to dinnertime. We had cabin fever and decided to head out for dinner. We went to Taco Del Mar. Because I had been so good all day and eaten so sparingly, I thought it “wouldn’t hurt” to have a bigger dinner. So instead of a smaller portion and the healthier ingredients of say, two soft tacos or a taco salad… I had a chicken quesadilla. And not just a chicken quesadilla, but a chicken quesadilla platter! It was tasty… (but so are the tacos).

How I went from a too large and nonnutritious meal to thinking I needed something for dessert is lost in the mysterious workings of my addict-addled mind. Trust me when I say… when it comes to sugar, I’m not sane. Seriously! Ask my husband, Paul. He’ll vouch for it. In fact, he gamely and bravely tried to talk some sense into me while I stood perusing the various ice creams (looking for the brand with no HFCS – a form of insanity right there – but we can talk about that later…) in the freezer section. But I rationalize it away and carried on. I picked up two quarts of Breyer’s All Natural ice cream, one flavor for Amira… and one for me, since I wanted a flavor that had wheat in it and my daughter is allergic.

With the ice cream safely in the car on its way home with me… Paul starts to get through. He talks about how I help and consult my friends and family with their health challenges. He talks about how I spend hours researching and coming up with suggested plans and “prescriptions” for their healing. Then Paul says to me: “You need to do that for yourself.”

And I realize he’s right.

If I take even a cursory look at a file with my health concerns and issues… ice cream wouldn’t be on my recommended list. But I’d rationalize with you that I want to eat the occasional cup of ice cream. Don’t buy into my addict talk, though. The problem with that approach? Two things. One: quite honestly, my definition of “occasional” is a unfortunately loose. If there is a carton of ice cream in the house, you can be pretty certain I’m having more than a cup of ice cream more than maybe once or twice a week. And two: Healthy people CAN eat an occasional bowl of ice cream without harm or detriment to themselves. But me? I’m not healthy. I’m not healthy physically or spiritually. The dinner and then the ice cream right on its heels – it was a physical filler and numbing agent – in hopes that it would carry over and fill and numb my spirit too.

There you have it – not even 24 hours out from my declaration and I hit my own resistance to what I said I wanted! When I’m disconnected with myself, a rote and habitual form of resistance runs me.

I realize now, as I’m thinking it over and sharing it with you – what I have ahead of me is the work of being connected with the healthy life I want. Embracing my health is more than eating the right foods and exercising. It’s not really about that. It’s being awake. When I slow down, meditate and am listening and present to my life and my spirit – the work I want to do is no longer work or agonizing resistance. Instead, it is pure joy and passion again.

I’ll close with a version of the “tagline” I created for this when I first started out…

This is me, signing off and Embracing Love and Life! Embracing My Health!

PS – It wasn’t the most economical thing to do – but after having a cup of ice cream, I threw out the rest of my carton of ice cream.

I’ve been mentally composing this post for a good couple of weeks. I’m so glad to be sitting down to do it now.

The work I’m starting, as I type these words, is a renewal of commitment to embracing my health (personally) and Embracing My Health (the website). Since I started the Embracing My Health website, I have lost 40 lbs and am eating healthier than I ever have. Yay me! It’s a start and a good one. I want to acknowledge that. It was a start and not continuing journey through to the finish though. That’s why this is the time to reconnect to the journey of my love and desire for personal health.

Those of you who know me, you know I’m a health and fitness research junkie. I love to read articles, research journals, magazines, and books. I watch documentaries and religiously follow blogs of experts in the field. I love to do research and help my friends and family as they seek their own optimal personal health and well-being. This is all awesome stuff. I love it.

In fact, just last night, I watched Simply Raw: Reversing Diabetes in 30 Days. What an inspiring, honest and human, documentary. I cried when the subjects went off insulin and achieved healthy, undreamed of milestones in improving their health. I was struck by how tightly their health was tied to their sense of self, their spirituality, their dreams and hopes for their tomorrows.

Getting to watch these people transform not just their physical health but to also launch a new path of spiritual vitality was beautiful and moving. Getting glimpses into what they were going to create moving forward was exciting and inspiring. Seeing it – being around it – it lights me up! I started getting geeked out thinking about the people in my life being healthy, vibrant, and engaging their world from a platform of energy, fitness, and optimal health. My brain began to spin. How can I help people do this? How can I help them into and through their next steps? What can I do to help my friends and family understand the importance of personal fitness, the necessity of eating the yummiest and healthiest foods, and experience the joy and satisfaction these things bring to our spirit. I went to bed with these things spiraling through my mind, my thoughts and dreams reaching out and asking for an answer. As I was about to fall asleep, I thought, maybe I don’t need a perfect, magic-bullet answer. What I need is a path. My prayer, as I drifted, was for a path to put my feet onto.

Ask and you shall receive! It’s no accident that this morning, one of the first things I read was this quote by Ramana Maharshi:

Correcting oneself is correcting the whole world. The Sun is simply bright. It does not correct anyone. Because it shines, the whole world is full of light. Transforming yourself is a means of giving light to the whole world.

Um.. yeah. Yeah. YEAH! That’d be that path I asked for! Thank you!!

As I read and reread those words, I realized something. See, I turned 40 this past March and while milestone birthdays like this one are prime and often good reasons to recommit to what I believe in – they’ve never held adequate motivation for me. As I read those words, I realized what does hold motivation for me. It’s my family and friends. It’s my community. It’s you!

With the answer I was given today, and with this post – my Embracing My Health journey begins again – or continues (depending on how you look at it).

Transforming my health and my life for myself – it seems like it should be more than enough for me to follow through on the desire I have to embrace my health. It’s not. What IS motivation to me is this; that through my journey, my struggles and achieved milestones and my stories – that these beautiful, amazing people who are in my life – that they see paths to health, fitness and spiritual growth. And if they want it, it is possible for them because it was and is for me.

I’ve known for a long time the importance of clean water and believe in and support the work of organizations like charity : water.

The documentary FLOW, For the Love of Water has completely left me changed.  Opening up a new angle on the water issue, documenting what is happening with water and water rights around the world, this film is a must see. From the website:

(FLOW) builds a case against the growing privatization of the world’s dwindling fresh water supply with an unflinching focus on politics, pollution, human rights, and the emergence of a domineering world water cartel.

After watching it, I wanted to DO SOMETHING. I didn’t want to have all this knowledge, all this information and have nothing I could do. The first thing I did was sign Article 31. Article 31 is a call, a petition upon the United Nations to establish access to clean and potable water as a fundamental human right.

Okay, done. But now what? I felt (and still feel) the need to do more. The FLOW website has links to organizations, non-profits and activism sites where you can partner, donate and volunteer to make a difference. You can be sure I’m going to be clicking those links and learning more.

But the first instinctual responses I had after watching FLOW were:

1) I will not buy/drink bottled water. Whatever it takes, I’m not going to do it. I’ll buy portable filters for road trips and and fill up my jugs at the local tap, wherever I may be. Whatever it takes, I’ll do it – I will not buy bottled water again.

2) I will not buy any products from Coca-Cola, Pepsi or Nestle. (watch the film and you’ll learn why I’m boycotting these three companies in specific) The harm they are causing here at home in the US and around the world is wrong. I will not support them or any of their brands until they stop their horrific, inhuman and environmentally damaging business practices.

Given the enormity of these three companies, it’s going to be interesting to avoid all the brands and products they make. But I’ll make a freakin’ master list if I have to. Thankfully, my lifestyle and diet already keeps most of their products off my shopping list… but I will be sure to keep an eye out and avoid any that might happen to appear.

I share all this for two reasons:

1. Please watch FLOW. You may not have the same reaction I did – but I think the information they share in that film is important for all of us to know.
2. I’m curious, what gets your goat? What topics or issues have made you get up out of your chair and do something, anything!… because you couldn’t imagine sitting still about it one more day?

Embrace Love and Life. Embrace Your Health!

So, the l-lysine eliminated or at a minimum kept my abscesses from increasing or getting worse. I had no further pain after taking the lysine from the infection, all the way up to my surgery last Wednesday. I can’t tell you what a life-saver it was. My testimonial: when amoxicillan and clindamycin didn’t help reduce the abscess infections and with it the extreme pain I was experiencing… taking 10,000 mg of l-lysine daily did.

My regimen:  Zinc intake above 150 mg a day begins to be associated with zinc toxicity. Because of this, I took 5,000 mg of Solaray L-Lysine with Vitamin C, B-6 and Zinc. The remaining 5,000 mg a day came from pure Now Foods L-Lysine.

Here’s the skinny on l-lysine. It’s an essential amino acid that our bodies have to have but cannot make. It strengthens our immune systems , increases the body’s ability to manufacture antibodies and has anti-viral properties. (This is my guess as to why and how I personally found relief.)

L-lysine doesn’t stop there. It’s popular for treating and preventing cold sores, is critical for collagen formation (think less wrinkles!), provides energy and more. If you have a deficiency in lysine, these are some of the symptoms you are likely to have:

• bloodshot eyes
• fatigue
• moodiness
• anemia
• problems concentrating
• reproductive issues
• weakened skeletal, circulatory and immune systems
• kidney stones
• inability to breakdown and utilize dietary fat properly
• accelerated aging
• elongated healing processes

Typically, raw, vegan, vegetarians and extreme athletes are most at risk for lysine deficiency. But without a balanced and attentive diet, anyone can become low or deficient. For optimal lysine levels, add lysine in your diet by eating (in no particular order):

• meat
• wheat germ (but not wheat)
• cheese (Parmesan is best)
• eggs
• fish, particularly cod and sardines
• limas
• nuts
• spirulina
• fermented foods like miso and yogurt

If you aren’t getting enough of these in your diet – daily dosage recommendations are 12-30 mg per each 2 lbs of body weight. To treat symptoms: 3,000-9,0000 mg per day divided into doses.

Note: if you have cardiovascular diseases, elevated cholesterol and/or triglyceride levels – work with your naturopath. There is controversy for and against Linus Pauling’s therapy for cardiovascular disease consisting of megadoses of Vit C and Lysine. (Sources to begin your research: http://www.vitamincfoundation.org/vitcheart.htm, http://lpi.oregonstate.edu/infocenter/vitamins/vitaminC/)

Embrace Love and Life. Embrace Your Health!

If you follow my personal blog, you know that I’m about to undergo oral surgery to have 7 teeth removed (my wisdom teeth, plus three more).  I have a chronic mouth infection caused by the caries bacteria.  All decay is caused by the caries bacteria, but in some people, an infection can take hold.  The four things that cause a chronic oral infection are:

1. Teeth. Well, duh, right? But it turns out that the condition of your teeth (sometimes determined by genetics) to begin with can and will either encourage or discourage bacterial growth
2. Presence of the caries-causing bacteria, which by the way, is communicable… mother to child, husband to wife, and so on
3. Fermentable carbohydrates
4. Time

So to recap: A chronic infection of acid-producing bacteria is caused when an individual has a long-term acidic oral environment caused by a predisposition, lack of saliva, a diet heavy in sugary and/or acidic foods.

In my mouth, I had the perfect storm.  Problems with tooth enamel is in my genetic background.  I didn’t know this until very recently.  So, #1… genetic predisposition.  Check.  #2. Presence of caries-causing bacteria, check.  I could have gotten it from my mom, from a boyfriend, who knows.  But I got it.  #3. Fermentable carbohydrates.  Check.   Up until 4 years ago, I ate the traditional SAD (standard American diet)… filled with sugary sweets, lots of starchy breads and pastas, and so all.  I also drank, for years, more diet Coke than you can imagine (incredibly acidic!!).  All of these were turned into lactic acid by the bacteria in my mouth and immediately set to work on my teeth.  And finally, time.  Check.  Up until last year, I hadn’t been into a dentist for around 20 years.  The bacteria had 15-20 odd years to do it’s damage.  And do damage, it did!!

When I finally made it into the dentist last year, it was because of extreme pain tooth pain.  The dentist took one look at it and told me that it was abscessed.  The infection had punched a hole through my upper jawbone and was threatening to cause a systemic infection (which worse case scenario can be life-threatening).  The only choice was to pull the tooth.  Immediately.

When we could afford to, I went back into the dentist for a full comprehensive exam. It confirmed the chronic bacterial infection and the profound damage it had done to my teeth.  I had two more abscessed teeth, and a third tooth that was broken and beyond repair.  All three must come out.  My wisdom teeth are also in bad condition and given my infection, it’s best to have those pulled now too.

I’ve had my surgery scheduled for a while now.  July 22nd.  And, up until, two weeks ago, I had no pain. Then, suddenly, I did. And it was horrible. I’ve never had pain like that.  My dentist immediately put me on antibiotics (amoxicillian) and a pain killer (Vicoden).  Vicoden helped a little, although I hated how it made me feel.   A few days later, the pain returned, despite the antiobiotics and narcotics.  My dentist swapped out my antibiotic, putting me on Clindamycin.  He at the same time switched me off of Vicoden (because of the recent concerns with acetametaphin sited by FDA reports) and put me on Vicoprofen.  I seemed to do better on the new combination, but still *hated* how I felt on the narcotic.  And again, 2-3 days later, the intense pain returned.   One last time, the dentist switched my painkillers, this time to ketorolac.  The pain remained severe and I had to continue using the ketorolac at full dosages for 3 days.

Then… and this is a big THEN… I heard a health podcast by David Wolfe.  In passing, he mentioned that l-lysine, an amino acid, can help remove any kind of infection at a 10,000 mg dose.  Given the pain I continued to be in, and the fact that my surgery was still nearly 2 weeks away, I figured I had nothing to lose.

And presto. Within 24 hours, I was off my pain pill.  Now, as an acknowledgement, it’s possible that the antibiotic finally kicked in and made all the difference.  But, the standard rule of thumb is that antibiotics will kick in 24-48 hours after you start taking them.  I had been on them for 2 1/2 weeks with no improvement.  I started the l-lysine and within 24 hours, I was without pain and off pain killers completely.

I have 4 days left until my surgery.   I’m continuing the l-lysine at 10,000 mg a day.  I’ll let you know if the infection returns to the point of pain between now an then.  But, right now, I’m feeling confident that I will continue to stay ahead of the infection and have no pain.

Next post – so what exactly is l-lysine?

My question for you today: What surprise or little-known cure or health aid works for you?

Embrace Love and Life. Embrace Your Health!

This month has sped by.   We’ve had snow, ice, and sunshine.  It’s been a lovely Christmas season – and sharing it with my 4 year old daughter, has been such a gift.

I haven’t been rigid with my eating and my progress, while good, isn’t as far along as it could be.  I had goaled to be at 230.  That was a good goal, provided I had created an effective structure for achieving it.  I didn’t though – and without that, I continued progressing but not as quickly.  That said, I found these two pictures that really help me see how far I have come.

The more I think about it, the more I’m certain that having a structure will bring me the biggest results.  That will be my focus in the coming year… automating everything so that it becomes like breathing to the food that I want to, exercising, and living a fully embraced life. 

So, click more to see the numbers…

Weight: 242 (-2 lbs)
Height: 5′8″
BMI: 36.8

Measurements

Neck: 14
Bicep: 14 (-.5″)
Forearm: 11
Chest: 45
Waist: 42 (-2″)
Hips: 46 (-2″)
Thigh: 25 (-.5″)
Calf: 17 (-1″)

The measurements are what have me dancing today.   That and this picture that shows me visibly my progress!

My question for you today: Are you going to watch your health, food and exercise over the holidays?  If yes, why?  If no, why? 

Embrace Love, Embrace Life, Embrace Your Health!

Fifteen years ago, just before Paul & I got married, I went on Depo-Provera. I was, at that time, somewhere between 15 and 20 lbs overweight. Three months after my first Depo-Provera injection, I had gained 40 lbs. The weight had come on so quickly that I had stretch marks. I knew I had gained weight, but didn’t connect the obvious dots back to Depo-Provera because of the stresses of getting married, moving to a new city, a new job, and so on.

When Paul & I got married, I was working as a retail store manager and was on my feet and moving 45 hours a week. After two years at this job, injuries to my feet made it necessary for me change jobs. I went from being active daily to a full-time desk job. I didn’t exercise and my lifestyle was to work hard all day and then come home and collapse on the couch in front of the TV. Paul & I ate out a lot. Being overweight was a constant source of discouragement to me… I would constantly wish and pine for being right-weighted. I began to learn more about optimal nutrition, fitness and personal health through magazines and books. I made very small changes to my diet, but nothing significant.

During these years I was dealing with a lot of depression and self-destructive behaviors… one of those behaviors was making myself feel as bad physically as I did emotionally. I would eat food that was super sugary, fatty and caloric. I didn’t think about it that way, but I was eating to make myself feel sick – and I always did. I was putting on more weight with each year.

In the fall of 2004, Amira was born. While pregnant with her, I topped the scales around 300 lbs. After she was born, I dropped to 280. I hovered there for about a year. Exercise was very difficult for me for a while after Amira’s birth – but I improved my eating habits and dropped a few pounds. All the while, I continued reading and learning about health, nutrition, and fitness.

In 2007, I went to a naturopathic doctor and found that I was indeed very unhealthy. I began regimens under my doctor’s advice to begin the healing. I’ve lost weight and made progress on my overall health. As of today, I’m at 250.

I’m putting that history completely behind me now and starting a new story, a new chapter. I have a long way to go to achieve optimal health but I’m ready. I don’t know exactly what I should weight, but I’m guessing it to be around 140 lbs. We’ll find out and fine tune when we get there. That’s a long way away yet, so I’m not going to worry about that so much as beginning the journey of transforming my lifestyle. I already know there are going to be days that I don’t feel like it – but it’s not about what I feel like. It’s about what I’m committed to, what I believe in and what I DO each day.